Dear Canada,

The election of George W. Bush has caused so many of my fellow Washingtonians to declare their intention of moving to your fine nation that I feel compelled to take a bold step and ask whether you'd have any interest in acquiring Washington as an additional province.

It would save my friends a lot of trouble, and as you know, we are already relying on you for inexpensive prescription drugs and flu vaccinations.

Washington has much to offer Canada. We make airplanes, and music, and software. We grow apples. We smell nice. We're fun to talk to. We'll laugh at your jokes.

And remember, it's not just a border we have in common - we also have compatible attitudes about healthcare, homosexuality, and pot.

I think we're looking at a win-win here, but you need to act fast, before the U.S. Department of Energy sends us more nuclear waste.

Please send me whatever paperwork we need to fill out to get the ball rolling.

Sincerely,

Jane